Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
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We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
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As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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