oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
