Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize