i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
