My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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