I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I want to have your abortion
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
