I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
