I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You pole danced in your parka.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
