"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
