I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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