he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
