I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
