i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
How external is "for external use only"?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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