i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Randomize
