PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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