You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I stole an accordion from the bar
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion