I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize