OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
