Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We need to get me chipped asap