i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason