I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
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FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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