i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
