I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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