Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
