i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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