Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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