I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
