maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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