I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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