my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
