it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
