I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
