my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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