therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
