I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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