U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
