Rock
Scissors
Fuck
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
