why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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