she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You are the jesus of drinking
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
