i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
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this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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