Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
