i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
