2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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