I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
