hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
