Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
