You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
