I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You took a bar mat shot.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
