Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
