The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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