i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
