Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
