well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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