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The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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