im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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