Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I look excited, but its just a facade.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
