If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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