make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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