she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
