Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
