Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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