she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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