So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
