I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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