He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
