what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
