You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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