Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
