from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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