i would punch a child for taco bell
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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