i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
