I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
