If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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