Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
