you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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